Innocence
by Samantha
Summary: In a small wizarding school in the mountains of South Carolina, two familiar people reflect upon their lost loves and realize that it is 'better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all.' Honorable Mention in Flourish's August 2000 fan


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Innocence

By Samantha

A/N: This is my story for Flourish's August fanfic challenge and _definitely_ one of the oddest works that I have ever written.

He sat still, picking at his food. The sorting was dull, and he really no longer cared anymore about whom he taught. Stupid kids, he thought to himself. The joy of this job had long ago run out. The last time he thought he actually felt enthused about his profession was almost ten years ago, when a student actually had been touched by his words. But that was a different place, a different time. And after that, nothing. He sat in silence even after all the students and faculty burst into conversation. His lone friend Virginia, another professor at the small wizarding school of Tellurium located in the Appellation Mountains, sat beside him, eating her steak and potatoes ravenously, yet still staying in an identical silence. The humidity of the September air was intense, the heat wave making him even more miserable. He moved his food around on his plate, making pictures with his meal that he had not done since he was five years old. As soon as the headmaster dismissed the great hall, he walked quickly out of the room to get away from the place. Virginia followed him.

He strolled to his office and sank into a leather chair in front of his desk, burying his face in his hands. Virginia closed the door behind her as she followed him in and sat in the closest chair. She glanced of them nervously, not knowing the correct words for the moment. Neither of them spoke for a moment, allowing the room to be filled with empty, yet comfortable silence.

"Some weather we're having, isn't it?" Virginia said.

"Yes."

"This heat is absolutely driving me mad, isn't it you?"

"Yes."

She sighed impatiently. "Do you want to talk about it?" asked Virginia softly.

"What's _it_?" he asked.

"Really, what's bothering you? We've been friends for two years, and it's not like you to be this upset about things."

"I'm just tired," he insisted.

"Bullshit," she insisted. "You're a bad liar, pal. 'Fess up."

He forced a smile. "It's a mixture of things."

Virginia gently patted his arm. "I know it must be hard and all, your separation from Xenon-"

He snorted. "Screw Xenon. Who in the hell needs her? I certainly don't need or want that bloody bitch in my life."

She shook her head. "You must be upset. You two had not even been married a year when you separated."

"Nah," he crooned. "I think I was under a love spell to ever fall for someone as shallow as Xenon."

She grinned. "Sometimes men do silly thing for beautiful, leggy blondes."

"Especially when they're half veela," he joked. "One would believe that you were veela basing on your beautiful looks."

"Always the flirt. I look nothing like a veela; how many veelas have red hair? And believe me, if that was true I would not be teaching for what little they pay us."

"What is beauty?" he asked. "What is love?"

"You tell me, because I don't know."

He laughed. "Love certainly is an obtuse word, isn't it?"

"And how so."

He looked at his companion. "You ever been in love?"

"Once, and you already know that story." Virginia looked down as she said this. He felt guilty about asking her such a personal question that brought back so many hard memories of her deceased love.

"I'm sorry I asked," he said gently.

She shook her head. "No, it's all right. I need to share my burden with someone else, someone I can trust." She paused for a moment. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Well, you hardly ever talk of your past. I couldn't help but wonder about you."

"Ask away."

Virginia looked him straight in the eye. "Have you ever been in love?"

He paused for a moment. "Yes."

"Once?"

"Once."

"Tell me about her," she encouraged.

He smiled. "How do you know it was a her?"

"Don't joke!" she scolded. "This is a serious conversation."

"Ok, I'll admit it. It was a her."

Virginia leaned forward in her chair. "Tell me about her."

He sunk back further in the chair. "What's to tell? It just wasn't meant to be."

"Why not?"

"Because she was twenty years my junior, that's why."

"She was one of your students?" Virginia questioned, now curious.

He nodded. "She was one of my students, about ten years ago. The brightest witch, or wizard for that matter, I had ever met."

"What happened?"

He looked at her quizzically. "Why do you care?"

Virginia smiled. "Two reasons. I'm your friend, and I'm a mushpot who loves a good romance. So humor me."

"All right," he agreed. "She was a very pretty girl. It was when I still taught at Hogwarts. I met her when she was thirteen and began taking astronomy classes. The first year I taught her she seemed a bit aloof, and the same with my second year of teaching her. Then, when she was fifteen, she became a bit more interested in the stars and became my friend."

"Ooooh," Virginia teased. "Go on."

"Well, one day she came in for extra help, not that she needed it, and we were standing alone in the astronomy tower gazing at Orion and Venus. I saw a shooting star that night, and I knew that I was falling for her. I tried to stop it, but it was hopeless."

"We became closer after that night. We would chat over butterbeers and chocolate frogs. She would tell me of her family and her two male best friends, and I would confide in her about my first failed marriage to-" he cringed -"Kerni. We told jokes and laughed and I always felt more at ease with her than I did with my own peers."

"The young often bring out the best in us," she noted.

"True," he agreed. "But I think it was more than her energy or spirit. It was her innocence. She certainly wasn't sheltered; at her age she had seen more horrifying things than I had at the time. She knew about the world. She knew what it was like. But what admired about her was how determined she was to change what was wrong. She still believed that she could make a difference, that she could save the world from all the hate and terrible things. It was naïveté, and it was absolutely endearing. I remembered my days like that, and it brought out the best in me."

"Maybe it's not naïveté," she argued. "Maybe it's just hope."

"Oh, I'm not saying there was anything wrong with that," he said. "Where would the young be without their dreams?"

"Nowhere."

"Exactly."

"Please continue."

"Ah, yes. We became friends her fifth year, and then when she came back her sixth year, she had changed a bit."

"How?"

"Physically. She looked more like a woman than a young girl. She had all the boys looking at her in a certain way they never had before, if you know what I mean."

Virginia snorted. "Unfortunately, I do. Sad really, boy's hormones. Did you look at her in that way too, old chap?"

"I was already looking at her in that way," he said. "But I didn't act on it. I'm not saying I didn't want to. 

But I didn't. I knew she was in love with one of her best friends, either the red head, what was his name? Oh yes, Ron. She was in love with either him or her friend Harry Potter."

"The Harry Potter?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes. I know that she was secretly in love with one of them. She was always looking at one of them in a certain way, in the same way I looked at her, but I had no clue which one. I never knew if she would prefer her sweet, loving relationship with Harry or her fiery, passionate relationship with Ron. The girl I knew could waver either way."

Virginia nodded. "A girl wants both things, sweet and passionate, but often she cannot have because very few people have both things to give."

"What was your relationship like with your 'lost love'?" he asked.

"I don't exactly know. It was confusing," she admitted with a sad smile.

"Anyway, I knew she loved one of them. I asked her once, but she just laughed and shrugged and told me she wasn't even sure of her emotions, but that I would be the first to know if anything worked itself out."

"I thought I could take her," he admitted. "I thought then, even if she had loved someone, I thought if I said one word, if I made one action, that she would have let me."

"Do you really believe that?" Virginia asked, incredulous.

"Not anymore. I know she wouldn't have. She was too good. Too perfect. She had too much integrity, too much pride. She was too smart for that." His voice continued in a whisper. "And she didn't love me."

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right. It's not your fault that I loved her and never had her love me back. What's the old saying anyhow? It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

"Do you really believe that?"

He nodded. "I really do. I believe if I hadn't loved her I would have been a cynical old man now, bickering about how no one loved and we made up the concept of love to make us feel less alone."

"You're not old," Virginia pointed out.

"I feel old," he insisted. "I feel as if I'm eighty instead of forty seven. Especially being in the room with you, at only half my age."

"That's not too old. Everyone's aging these days, much too fast. Life is passing by too quickly."

He nodded in agreement. "I remember this one time, we were sitting together in the Astronomy tower, eating Bertie's Every Flavor Beans. We tried every flavor, from cinnamon to saltwater to dust. We were so sick but so happy. I don't think I've ever laughed so much in one day."

"Where is she now?" Virginia asked, although she knew.

"Ten feet under," he admitted. "At what used to be the Hogwarts' Quidditch field."

She nodded sadly. "The graveyard from-"

He broke her off. "We all know the story. We all know what happened. I'd rather not get into it, if you don't mind."

"I think it might help if you do."

He shook his head. "I've blocked it out for so long I don't remember most of it."

"Try."

"I remember the fire, and the screams. I remember getting my wand snapped, so I was helpless. I remember the bodies. I'll never forget those bodies lying there. You-know-who, Dumbledore, Harry Potter, his red head friend Ron, and Hermione." He gulped. "Her name was Hermione."

"I know," she whispered so softly that she knew he didn't hear her.

"Hey, Virginia, I have a picture of her. I have a picture of her." He rumbled through his desk until he found the photo. "See?"

It was a picture of Hermione Granger, on either side of her Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. They had their arms around each other, and were smiling broadly and waving like crazy. Virginia noticed someone in particular in the background, a small red headed girl watching the trio in admiration.

"Isn't she beautiful?" he asked. "Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she perfect?"

Virginia said nothing; she merely pulled her friend into a hug as he broke down, crying. She was crying too, for she felt his pain. She too, had lost a loved one who had never loved her back. She rocked him back and forth like a child until his crying ceased. "Feel any better?" she asked softly.

"Less weight," he answered. "Less heavy."

"That's what happens when you trust people. It can't make the pain go away, but it can make it easier."

He nodded. "Thanks, Virginia."

"What are friends for?"

He smiled. "You're right. You know you're my best friend, right Virginia?"

"Right," she answered. "It's getting late."

"Big day tomorrow."

"Yes. I should probably start getting back to my office and start making lesson plans."

"Me too," he agreed.

She stood up and walked towards the door. "Goodnight, Artemis Vector."

"How come you're so good? How come you're such a good and mellow person? Why aren't you rolling in grief?"

"I started with the firm conviction that when I came to the end, I wanted to be regretting the things I had done, not the things I hadn't." She smiled. "One of the things I don't regret is letting myself love someone. 

Don't regret it either."

"Goodnight Virginia. Sleep well."

"You too."

*******

Virginia didn't go to sleep. She didn't even go to her office. She walked straight to the broom shed and climbed on her new Shooting Star, a line of brooms that had been recreated, and flew off into the night. She knew exactly where she was going. Scotland.

The night was clear, with many stars, so she found her way easily. The moon was full; she wondered where her former Professor Lupin was. She landed with ease into a large field covered with thick, green grass. She remembered this field vividly. So many games, so many memories.

She glanced at the ruins to her right. What had once been a large castle was now rubble, stones and wood crumbled on top of each other. I lived there for six years, she thought. Six of the best years of my life. Then my life crashed. Nothing had a purpose anymore. I changed my last name, isolated myself from my family, stopped going by my nickname.

She was now approaching the graves. She walked down the rows, ignoring the other names. She knew exactly where she was going.

She kneeled in front of three graves, all close together. "Harry Potter," she read. "1980 to 1997. Hermione Granger, 1980 to 1997. And Ronald Weasley, 1980 to 1997." She read the tombstones again to herself, memorizing the inscription. She ran her fingers over the rough stone covered with dust and ivy. She conjured three roses with her wand and laid them on each grave of the three people she loved the most. Her best friend, the boy who never loved her back, and her favorite brother. Virginia didn't cry; she had seen enough tears today with Vector.

With one last look, Ginny mounted her broom and flew into the night so that she could reach her classes by dawn.

*******

"Ginny!" Ron called. "Ginny! We won the cup! We won the cup!"

She screamed with delight. "I can't believe it!" She threw her arms around her brother. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"Really?" he joked. "I always thought your favorite brother was Percy."

"Oh you!" She laughed, lightly punching his shoulder. "Hermione!" she cried, letting go of Ron.

"We won!" Hermione screamed. Ginny was almost surprised to see her so excited about something other than school, but Hermione was always surprising her. Ginny embraced her friend.

She felt another set of arms go around her and Hermione. "Group hug!" Harry exclaimed.

There they were, in guffaws, all tangled up in each other's arms, the three people Ginny cared about most and herself, being included in this act of love. She could still hear their laughter.

Author's Note: So, what did you think? Please review, all right? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Professor Vector, Quidditch, Hogwarts, Dumbledore, you-know-who, and Bernie's every flavor Beans do not belong to me. They belong to J.K. Rowling

Tellurium belongs to me, and I think that's about it. Sad, isn't it?


End file.
